well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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