I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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