I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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