Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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