just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize