I think I died a long time ago.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
