please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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