Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
