I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
