So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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