yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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