I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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