Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
