as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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