i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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