i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
