sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
