I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
