The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize