I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
