no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
