sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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