That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
