Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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