Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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