i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
