do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
