me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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