I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
