We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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