do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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