Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
