bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
