I'm laying in your front yard are you home
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
