My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
