But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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