And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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