searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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