any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
