Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
