i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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