If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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