david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
