I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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