I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
