he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
