apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
