Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
