I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
