...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
