It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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