He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize