Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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