8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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