so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
