I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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