I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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