Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
