I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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