Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
