Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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