i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
