It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
