Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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