i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
