She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
