It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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