Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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