I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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