At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
