i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
