even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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