im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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