I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
