...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
