I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
