You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
