I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
