All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His nipple licking is glorious
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