I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
