So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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