Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
