How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
